It's not God's intention for a legally married couple to separate. Nevertheless, it's better to be alive than to die slowly in an unhealthy marriage. In the long process, when husband and wife have tried every possible ways within their reach but still couldn't mend the broken love, it'll be better to choose life instead of daily insults or fight that may cause untimely death or irreparable damage.
If you've already resorted to divorce, here are some key facts you need to understand or embrace to protect the future that transcends the divorce.
Put your children's needs first.
Accept that you
have a responsibility to your children to do everything you can to
ensure that the divorce doesn't cost them any more than it already has
and that is absolutely necessary. Children don't have the voice and the
ability to tell you what they think, so it is important to make their
best interest your best interest. You have to be fiduciaries where you
put their interest above your own. Take an honest look at yourself and
what you're doing to impact these children. Tell your children that they
are number one: "You're the most important. You are first in everything
that we think and do, and we're going to take care of you".
Start a new relationship.Don't think of the
divorce as ending the relationship with your ex-spouse. Instead, think
of it as beginning a new one. Your new relationship as divorced parents
involves being co-allies, nurturers and protectors of your children.
Consider going for post-marital counseling where you can create a
parenting plan, resolve your differences and finish your emotional
business, so you can clearly see what is in the best interest of these
children. It's hard to be objective when there is so much emotion
involved. Find a way to make your children feel that everywhere they
turn they see love, support, and appreciation.
Communicate clearly with your children.
If
communication is vague, children fill in the blanks to the detriment of
themselves. They will blame themselves and think that it's their fault
that things have happened.
Don't put your kids in the middle.
Resolve that
there is not going to be a tug of war. Don't put the children in between
you and your ex and start pulling on them for their allegiance. Don't
use your children as pawns to find out about the other person or get
back at your ex.
Fight in private.
Parents must stop the
right-fighting and make a plan to help their children make it through
the transition with as little trauma as possible. You can't give away
what you don't have. If parents are filled with bitterness and angst and
resentment, then their children are going to get pulled back and forth,
and that's not right or fair to them.
Never undermine the other parent.
Don't be
critical of your ex in front of the children. Don't attack the
mother/father of your child. Put the children above all of your personal
wants and needs. Take the high ground. If you behave in such a way as
to alienate their mother/father from the children, they will resent you
for it. The day will come when they will say, 'You ran your own agenda
and it cost us our mother/father.' You may feel like you might win at
the time, but in the long term, they will resent you.
Communicate with your ex regarding child rearing decisions.
Make joint decisions and don't let the children divide you even further by manipulating the parent who is more lenient, etc.
Decide that your children will not come from a broken home, they are just going to have two homes.
Set
up a home in which the children have a room, toys to play with and
space to be kids. Make sure the children feel at home in both places.
AS YOU TAKE THESE STEPS, THE LORD WHO IS THE AUTHOR OF LOVE WILL CAUSE YOU TO SMILE VERY SOON...!!!
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