The Girl Who Treats You Like A Brother: She
crashes on your couch or in your bed whenever she wants, and is happy to
help you navigate the waters of what to wear. She’ll laze through your
life as if it is her own, and always mentions that she’s so glad you
guys are good friends. (You’ll hear the emphasis on the
good,
not the friends, and it will make you feel hopeful.) No matter how much
you think that all of these are open invites, she’s still going to also
ask for your advice when it
comes to other guys she’s into. Trying to
get on that roster always seems like a pipe dream because the guys she
“goes for” are nothing like you. No matter how much you’d like to
convince her that dating to type is bad, that’s a path of
self-destruction she’s going to have to figure out on her own. You can’t
help her.
The Girl Who Your Mom Would Love:
Sure, she’s nice, kind, and sweet, and makes your bed for you as a
surprise, but just because you can bring her home to mom doesn’t mean
she’s perfect for you. As tempting as it is to want to do your
parents proud and marry a girl so that your kids have the same childhood
experience that you would, trying to recreate the past and live your
glory days is a recipe for disaster. Your parents had a lot of struggles
behind the scenes, dude (yes, even if they’re still together) and
chances are your mom’s gonna love any girl whom you genuinely love.
She’ll be proud of you for just treating a woman right. Go from there.
The Girl Who Is Your Polar Opposite: You’ll see her
at a party — some coworker brought her — and she’s the only tattoos and
exposed skin in a sea of suits and shift dresses. You think she’s crazy,
unfiltered, and so very refreshing from your normal 9-to-6 life, and
she thinks your schedule and gym sessions and shoe trees are
funny,
in part because they are so against what she has come to call normal.
But then again, you don’t think she’s normal either — and that’s why you
like her. Whether you’re dating her to shock the rest of your
straight-laced friends or because you’re stagnant in your own life, no
amount of her manic pixie dust is going to rub off on you. She can’t
live your life for you, and you need to learn how to be a little crazy
on your own.
The Friend With Benefits:
You guys have hooked up a few times and then didn’t talk for weeks. The
only time you text each other is at 10pm to see if the other is busy is
with someone else. If not, then you hook up. There’s no basis for the
relationship other than you find each other physically attractive. The
thing is, you have other girls like this and she has other guys like
this. Don’t complicate it with feelings that aren’t there – and no
matter how “used” either of you feel, complicating this codependence
with meaning will only make you feel worse. This isn’t Pretty Woman.
The One Who Is Always Just Out Of Your Grasp: You’ll
text a little and see if she’s got plans later this weekend, but you
know she’ll always be vague and say “yeah, that sounds cool” or simply
just “maybe.” Instead, you try to play the cool guy and suggest you’ll
see her around, but come 11 pm, she has stopped replying to texts. You
know she’s around
somewhere, though. And as much as her aloof
nature pisses you off, you’ll wind up wondering what it would take for
her to give your her undivided time. So you keep trying, but you
eventually delete her number. She has a sixth sense for this and will
text you to say hi a minute after you do. You’ll only ever be on each
other’s peripherals, but never in plain sight.
Your Best Friend’s Ex: Seriously,
how many girls are there in the world and you’re going to choose to go
after someone that broke your best friend’s heart? If it was a just a
few dates, that’s no big deal, but if it was a serious breakup, stay
away. Not because of any sort of code, but how is he supposed to get
over her if all of a sudden she’s back in his life with his close
friend? Life is not How I Met Your Mother. If you’re going to choose someone over your best friend then you’d better plan on marrying them and finding a new best man.
The Young Girl: You’re almost 30 and a smoking hot
20 year-old comes along and you think you’ve found The One. You haven’t.
It’s swell that she also likes to play video games and smoke weed, but
there’s way too much life experiences in between those 10 years. You’re
going to want to start calming down and she’s going to want to be young
and make mistakes and figure out her life. This isn’t a diss on 20
year-olds at all, but you guys are going to constantly be frustrated
with one another because you’re at COMPLETELY different phases of your
life. If it’s a casual, fun thing, that’s fine, but don’t plan falling
for a girl that was learning cursive when you were in calc.
The On Again Off Again: You know the girl that
you’ve tried to date, but every time it turns into a huge disaster. Even
though you know you’re not compatible at all, you go through this cycle
of really liking each other, getting frustrated because you run into
the same problems, breaking up, missing each other, then starting all
over again. It’s never going to work out, no matter how many times you
do the same thing. You’re an L shaped Tetris piece and she’s a Lego.
It’s not that either of you are bad, but you’re always going to drive
each other insane.
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